Since 2025 is wrapping up as I write this today, I’m imagining what shenanigans 2026 has in store for us and so I’ve come up with 10 Crazy Predictions1 for next year. As we don’t have year-end numbers just yet, I’ll hold off on scoring the year behind us until we all convene for our 2026 State of the Markets class at TopGolf in Greenville on February 5th at 10:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. We’ll send out a communication next week that will contain the registration link for the class so be on the lookout for that. Will the coming year be a 2008? A 2020? How about the last “normal” year, 2019? That was a pretty good one. Fair warning, serious Scott will return next week, so if you’re looking for more solemn forecasts, you’ll have to wait for our State of the Markets Class. For now, let’s imagine …
January 2026
Southeastern Conference (SEC) Commissioner Greg Sankey shocks everyone when he announces he will expand their conference by 7 new members. When the press comments that this is an odd number and the math doesn’t work, Sankey replies “not true” as he has asked ChatGPT “How to add the most value to his conference that would do well by the SEC.” ChatGPT assumed by SEC, he meant Securities Exchange Commission, and proposed he add Microsoft, Google, Nvidia, Tesla, Meta, Amazon and Apple. The companies, desperate to stream and advertise during live sports anyway, agree to join the conference. It’s decided quickly at the first presidents’ meeting that 2027 will be the first year Tesla and Google robots will take the field. Kirby Smart brags that Georgia’s been doing this for years before shoving a nearby quarterback. The SEC becomes the most valuable sports property of all time. Your move, Big Ten …
February 2026
Seeking to foment and cultivate rebellious, anti-Ottawa attitudes in Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, President Trump looks for a political expert that would connect with the voters in all 3 Western Canada provinces. Trump misses Elon Musk’s presence in The White House and downloads the next best thing, Grok, who suggests a new AI companion for Trump, Cowboy Karl Rove. AI Rove successfully swings key voting segments in the provinces who vote to leave Canada and join the US. The Cowboy AI suggests they rename the whole dang thang North Texas and the 51st state is born.
March 2026
A study by Forbes magazine reveals that stock market pundits are only correct 47% of the time. Jim Cramer is discovered to be correct only 10% of the time. CNBC promotes him, quadruples his salary and puts him on television round the clock only giving him 3 hours to sleep believing this will decrease his accuracy even further. Network executives clue all their wealthy friends on the idea that all they need to do is the opposite of what Cramer recommends, while the public listens and remains on the wrong side of the trade. They do so and with the fabulous wealth they attain, pour it all into resurrecting MSNBC from the dead. Joe Scarborough puts his name in the hat for the Democratic Party nomination in 2028 and looks like a shoo-in for the nomination according to the BEST polls.
April 2026
AI Engineers are mystified at the revelation in Wired Magazine that they will not be the first to discover AGI. Nancy Pelosi did so 20 years ago and has many times changed the course of the future while becoming the nation’s wealthiest congresswoman by investing with the combination of AGI and insider information. Everyone in America discovers that every AI companion or chatbot is really Nancy Pelosi in disguise. She colors the New Texas puzzle piece blue and laughs.
May 2026
China, once again, completely encircles Taiwan with its Navy and thousands of drones. To make sure the international community KNOWS China means business this time, they place a Rook, a Knight, a Bishop and a Queen in each corner of Taiwan before realizing the entire island is empty. Upon further inspection their Chinese General notices one lone Amazon package on the front porch of the Presidential Palace, with a Chinese Fortune Cookie on top. As he munches on the stale cookie, he reads the fortune’s message that all of Taiwan has moved to its TSMC factory in Arizona, which will be renamed New Taiwan. As the Chinese General snatches the Amazon package and hurries down the driveway, the package explodes covering the General in Red, White and Blue paint. Taiwan’s Ring Doorbell footage quickly becomes the most popular Short in YouTube history.
June 2026
Sam Altman at OpenAI frowns while opening his bills at his San Francisco headquarters, including all the $250 million offers to top researchers. He ponders how in the world he can ever fund OpenAI’s $1.3 trillion in spending commitments and realizes the company needs far more investment than future stockholders or venture capitalists could ever provide. Inspired by the stupendous financial success of the Somalian Pirates of Lake Superior, Altman announces he’s opening 10,000 Quality Learing Centers all over California, which become smashing financial successes, and OpenAI becomes the dominant LLM in the AI space.
July 2026
The World Cup comes to America and so does the entire English aristocracy who flee on the Queen Mary 2 after being pushed off their isle. Upon arriving at the port of New York they ask where they might have a tea party. A cheeky Yank points them towards Boston Harbor, and the aristocrats are never heard from again. England are disqualified from the tournament. FIFA officials, impressed with the ways in which monies are funneled in Washington DC to private interests, announce they are moving their headquarters to the National Mall beside the Capitol.
October 2026
North Carolina Football finally looks like they are breaking their losing streak to Clemson. Down 20-to-17 with a minute to play in the 4th quarter, UNC QB Miles O’Neill finds WR Jordan Shipp streaking alone down the sideline. Suddenly, new Offensive Coordinator Bobby Petrino decides its time to leave a team hanging again mid-season and takes off down the field on his motorcycle. He bumps into a Gatorade cooler and veers in front of Shipp tripping him to the ground and preventing him from scoring. The bike flips, and so does Petrino, onto the grass. Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, notices the battered and bruised Petrino, hops on the bike behind him, and they drive off into the sunset. Asked later about the incident that led to both his breakup with his girlfriend and the team’s loss, Belichick replies “We’re not talking about open-heart surgery here,” and “We’re on to Cincinnati.” Virginia, of course, is the next team on the schedule.
November 2026
Palantir CEO Alex Karp is caught in a video expose by tech reporters in a huge empty office by himself, and the press learns there are absolutely no employees of the tech kingpin whatsoever besides him. The video tours the office before finding the wild-gray-haired tech wizard sitting cross-legged on the cold laminate floor, surrounded by bookcases filled with 16 different editions of The Lord of the Rings, a Gandalf action figure and a life-size cardboard cutout of Cate Blanchett as Galadriel. He keeps shaking his own personal Palantir, a Magic 8-Ball, and screaming “Outlook Good!!” over and over again. The reporter feels sorry for him and attempts to comb his hair but Karp pushes her away. Retail investors dismiss the video expose and pump the stock higher into the biggest market cap in the world. Palantir is a cool name for a company after all.
December 2026
The Wealth Training Academy’s Idle Hill Advisors becomes the largest Registered Investment Advisor in the country following a massive uptick in referrals from their awesome, good-looking, smart, funny, successful and wonderful clients who love the company and want to see it grow, just like their chances of success in retirement since coming onboard with the group. (For legal reasons, this is a joke. ~The Compliance Department) WTA clients only have to say one phrase to their friends, colleagues, co-workers and neighbors as they hand them our business cards in 2026:
If you listen to them, they’ll change your financial world …
Here’s to a successful year for us all!
Cheers,
Scott Wright
Portfolio Manager
The Wealth Training Academy
(Marketing Disclaimer: Past performance is never a guarantee of future results. We offer a lot of services. Our planning, tax, and insurance strategies are designed to improve financial outcomes when implemented as recommended. We’re confident in these strategies, but results will vary based on individual circumstances. Investment results cannot be guaranteed. Unless otherwise indicated, no third party individuals mentioned in this article are clients of our firm, nor have they been compensated for appearing. This article is for educational purposes only. For personal advice about your situation please call our office. Here’s to 2026! ~The Compliance Department.)
Source:
1Magic 8-Ball
